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Posted by lycan librarian in Books and reading.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster for months now. Yes, I realize that phrase is a well-worn cliché, but it is also a very accurate description of how I have felt this past year and beyond. Some days I wake up and vow to be happy and grateful all day long, only to plummet back down into a dark pit of utter hopelessness that same afternoon. On days I awaken in a black mood, I may find myself ebullient by noon. I read up on depression when I began to have suicidal thoughts, and learned that I had many of the major symptoms of clinical depression. One of these signs is not doing those things that bring you happiness. Reading has always been vitally important to me, and I was an avid reader who devoured four to eight books a month. I suddenly realized how little I have been reading. So just pick up a book, right? Wrong. I tried. I picked up book after book and couldn’t finish them. They didn’t capture my imagination and I couldn’t stay focused. My mind kept jumping out of the book and into my reality and the things that were causing me so much dismay. The source of some of my greatest joy had been stolen from me. There was also the anger. I’m trying to find an agent for my books and see selections on the shelves of bookstores and libraries that are nowhere near as innovative or creative as mine. So many are the same old thing, over and over again; shadowy imitations of other books and authors. So I bounced from one book to another, not getting to know the characters or becoming absorbed in the plot or setting. I’m not sure what did it, but one day I finished a book and realized I had enjoyed it. So I picked up another and read it. I’m still not up to my usual reading speed, but I’m pushing on the gas pedal, and with more positive thoughts and sheer determination, I hope to be back to my old reading and reviewing self again. I have to get there. It’s a matter of life and death.



1. jackostram - July 22, 2012

Hang in there.

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